Alright, I got One

Two can play at this game, O'Connor.

Parietals and hard alcohol at Notre Dame.

This, to me, stands as the lamest of all complaints. How many times have you been hangin out at Notre Dame listening to someone bitch and moan about how lame parietals are and how stupid it is that they have to go off campus to pound shots of Jeager and play beer pong. They say this as if it were the martial law enacted by the third Reich during Hitler's time in Germany. Let's play a game. How many of you, by a show of hands, came to Notre Dame with either a) a complete lack of understanding and knowledge of the dorm room rules regarding alcohol and opposite-gender-visiting-hours or b) an unfailing belief that when you got there, the university would realize its error and change its ways. If the answer is either a) or b), I suppose you have the right to complain, as you clearly were blindsided by the hard line of Our Lady's school, but you're probably a dumbass because you didn't do your research on the school you were going to attend.

As for the rest of you, who fall under neither of the above catagories, shut the hell up. Honestly. These are the rules. And they've been the rules for a long time. Rumor has it, they used to be tougher. Sure, sure, maybe you don't understand them, and maybe in your infinite wisdom they're "totally fuckin gay man," but I'd be really, really hard pressed to find one of you who has talked to a member of residence life (outside of being in trouble) to gain further understanding as to why our precious alma mater enforces such strict limitations. Nope, you just probably sit there, minutes before the meeting with your rector after violating one of these policies, talking to your buddy who got caught with you about how you "shouldn't be called a bad person for wanting to have a handle of Jack under your futon." This, to me, is the dumbest of all arguements, because no one is calling you a bad person for breaking these rules, they're just calling you a rule-breaker and making you suffer the due consequences. But, that doesn't really make a good counter argument, does it, so you exaggerate the motives behind your punishment and "fight the man." Good for you, dude. Good for you.

There's gotta be a better way of determining intelligence.