Let's Shag.

First of all, I love Daniel Bedingfield. Sure, everyone thought it was a girl singing "Gotta Get Thru This". Sure, he spells "through" like a drive-thru. Sure, he fell out of fame the minute he fell into it. But that song is ONE SWEET GROOVE.

But B, I respect your opinion, and I will allow you to despise him. But only if I can discourse on my least favorite musician of all time.

Now, one of my biggest irks in this world is people who are famous for no apparent reason. People who have hit singles and get paid the big bucks, when they really don't have much talent to begin with. It makes me so happy that people like Tina Fey, Steve Carrell, and Stephen Colbert are getting so much credit these days, because they are brilliant, down-to-earth, phenomenally talented people. But then people like Miley Cyrus, Chelsea Handler, and the cast of Gossip Girl come along and make me shake my fist at Hollywood. Repeatedly.

So, this brings me to my least favorite musician of all time ... and I am being VERY generous in calling him a musician. Let me give you two clues:

1. His main hit has a blatantly morally reprehensible subject matter
2. He sings like a muppet
(unintentional clue 3: He is clearly a "he")

Give it some time....... Don't know yet?....... Ok here it is: SHAGGY.

Remember when "Wasn't Me" graced the American airwaves that one blissful summer of our youth? We sang along in our cars, with the windows down and the warm breeze flowing through our fingers. "But she caught me on the counter", the driver would sing. "Wasn't me!", the passengers would respond. It was the new "Summer Lovin". We all joined hands and sang together as one human family in this great & glorious universe.

Oh wait. That song is one of the worst songs ever written. Totally forgot about that.

And not only is the song awful, but Shaggy himself is a piece of work. I wouldn't even say that he is untalented ... I would say he is devoid of anything that even minutely resembles the concept of talent. He sings like a muppet, unintelligibly rapping, and mind you, GETTING PAID. Hell, if he's getting paid for that, why can't I get paid for, oh I don't know, wearing pants on my arms? Look at me, I'm crazy pants-arms girl! Or maybe I can burp a lot while making pancakes. Hey, have you seen that girl who makes pancakes and burps? Crazy pancakey burpy girl!! She's fuckin' awesome!!

Shaggy, I'm sorry if you're reading this. I'm sure you are a very kindhearted person who hopefully has a wonderful family and good head on his shoulders. But, I just ... it makes me very sad that you were paid to sing like a cartoon jackass while some extremely intelligent, devilishly humorous, and ravenously beautiful people in certain Midwest cities can't even get a 9-5 job. I don't have anyone specific in mind when I say that, but I know she exists.

(HIRE ME.)